Don't Know What is Wrong


Don't Know what's going on in my Life

Last couple of days has been extremely difficult. To be honest, I have been struggling for a very long time. But now it's come to a stage where I cannot function at all. My body has given up on me. I want to lock the door and stay in the room. Is it a sign of depression? To be honest, I don't know.
I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I'm trying my absolute best to focus on work and other things but it's not working. My body is drained and the energy level is 0.
I don't have appetite and have been losing weight like crazy

All i do is cry like a baby. What is wrong with me? I don't know, I wish I had an answer to the question.

Even while I'm writing this post, my eyes are filled with water and down come the tears.

"I remember my last day in hospital where the doctors did so many tests. Needles after needles being poked into my body, blood getting sucked out of my veins 6 times in one day, fluids taken out from my spine. It was too much for me to bear and I broke down and couldn't stop crying because my body had enough. I am not scad of needles but that day I couldn't. It was all too much for me physically and mentally. My patience were being tested and I lost the test". 

It's hard to explain how I feel
Even when I'm surrounded by people, I feel lost and lonely
I want to go far away where nobody can find me
The future is all blurry and nothing seems clear
Feel crippled and helpless

I know this phase will pass by just like the others but at this point of time I feel I had enough.
I know I have to stay positive and come out stronger like I always do
I cannot give up and I don't want to
But sometimes Life just throws too many problems at you, thinking you are strong enough to handle everything.
I am a human and not a machine. So please give me a break and leave me alone.

I know there are people out there who has more problems than me but i wanted to share this part of me. I do fall down as well. I think I need to read "Be Positive Be Optimistic" and "Never Give Up" to get me back on track.

For now, I have started meditation to help me relax my mind and focus better. I hope I stick to the meditation therapy.

Thank you for being on this journey with me. Loads of love xx

29 comments:

  1. Be strong my friend you are not alone with this problem I know so many people with this issue even in my family they try sometimes you need alone time to capture yourself. If any help read the bible it will bring some sort of peace in your heart and soul trust me you are not alone and you could always drop an email we could joke around to perk you up girl, You a beautiful person have faith this will pass and other issue just do not let it get the best of you I know easier said than done dance that its how I release stress and issues to any song give it a try.
    http://tifi11.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Jackie. I know i'm not the only one. The difficult part is not knowing what to do. Thank you

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  2. I wish I could give you a hug right now.. We haven't met and are complete strangers but I don't no why I feel a bond with you.. Reading your post and I have treats in my eyes.. I wound day I know what you are feeling but yes I can identify with you.. I had a phase in life where I was lost, use to cry , in bed all day and think y is god doing this to me... I lost 10 kg weight and started looking like a skeleton , I was depressed because of some episode if my life.. I don't know what is the root cause of your problems, it's physical or depression but girl I have learned from my experience that we have to push ourselves and its only is who can solve are own problems ...
    If you want to share anything with me, I would love to be a friend .. You can mail me on pooja@beingbeautifulandpretty.com
    I am a complete stranger to you but I think it's always easy to tell a stranger what's in your heart.
    Hope you feel better , no hope you feel best .. Come to India soon so that we can have a gr8 time :)
    Will pray for you , I am sure god will do what is best for you.
    Lodes of love , hugs and kisses
    Pooja

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    1. You know that you are not a stranger :D I am feeling a better darl. Thank you so much for being so supportive. hugs and kisses xoxoxo

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  3. naaj :( it breaks my heart to hear that you feel this way. i understand from your words that you've gone through a lot lately, and at times like this its ok to allow yourself to feel really bad and depressed. its best to just face it than try to run away from it. and after you listen to your heart cry you'll stand up again because you are a very strong girl for enduring these hardships. i wish i was there to comfort you and cheer you up. this too shall pass naaj and you are going to feel better <3 will continue praying for you and know that i am supporting you. you know where to reach me anytime you feel like venting out or just want a talk :)

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    1. Thank you for your payers Shayne. reading your lovely messages and kind words has made me realise no matter how worse the situation may be i can definitely fight. There will be very difficult decisions that i will have t make but i have take them.

      Please continue to keep me in your prayers. I'm in desperate need of them. loads of love xxxxx

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  4. Naaj.. Please Don't be Like This.. And, You Know What? It's Ok To Break Down Once in a While..It's Ok To Pour Out Your Heart To Yourself.. The Last 3 Days in My Life Have Been Pretty Ugly and The Main Reason Was Coz I Went OverBoard With My Thinking.. I So Wish I Was There With You Right Now To Make You Feel Better.. But I'm Damn Sure You Can Do That Yourself Too Pakka! Please Cheer Up.. Try Learning Something New Which You Have Always Wanted To, So That You Can Divert Your Mind.. Or Do What You Love..Do Anything/Be With Anyone Who Brings Out The Best From You

    Don't Worry..This Too Shall Pass :)

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    1. Awwwww... Hope you are feeling better babe. I'm better than last week but things are pretty tough but i am feeling positive and optimistic. I do know what i want, i just have to make it happen. Thank you so so so much for your love. We are strong girls and we can fight whatever comes our way...what say?

      hugs xoxooxoxo

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    2. Yes, We Can! Haan Bhai Haan, Karke Dikhaayenge \:D/

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  5. Naaj sweetheart, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It breaks my heart but i know you are strong.

    I once heard a lady suffering from sickle cell disease say, "The doctors only treat the symptoms of my disease and not the cure. So i have taken it upon myself to research on it by getting to know my body and figuring out what is good for me to stay healthy. I haven't felt any better since then. I feel great." You can't come this far to give up now. Get up every morning, step outside and breathe. Do the things you love doing the most. The things that make you happy and put a smile on your pretty face. When you are feeling down, go for walks or drives to ares that cheer you up. Rent movies you love (I will recommend "Love Actually").
    Go to a coffee shop and have a sit while you people watch. Find a way to love life again. Take it one day at a time my dear and remember it is up to you to stay healthy. It is the simple things in life....Do it with someone if you can. Some people pray for what we take for granted.
    You will be okay Naaj, I promise. You have life and that means thee is definitely hope. Please stay in touch. You know how to find me :).

    http://www.thefashionstirfry.com

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    1. Hey Busola. I have heard of sickle disease as well. Actually, i was watching a program the other day that how the body just gives up and you feel paralyzed.

      My mission is to do exercise, yoga and eat, because i don't eat much. You can actually see my bones.

      Thank you so much for being so supportive.xxx

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  6. I don't have the words so here... Have a (hug).
    Hope it starts to get better for you soon.

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    1. Thank you so much, much appreciated

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  7. Everyone has already said everything that I was going to say. I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling, I just hope you manage to find some happiness and relief very soon, in the mean time, listen to this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0UL-bgpP8A

    Corinne xxxxxxxxxx

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    1. Thank you Corinne......

      climbing the same mountain
      you're not getting higher
      you're running after yourself
      can't let go
      hiding in that place you don't wanna be
      you push happiness so far away
      but it comes back
      to give you all that you've given before
      to love you the way that you do, like a mirror
      look in the air 'n catch that boomerang
      can't fall anywhere else but in your own hand

      Make Heaven out of Hell

      Thank you so much for your support. Means a lot. I am getting better. At least trying to stay positive and do the best i can to stay stronger.xxxx

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  8. Dearest Naaj, I´m so sorry that you have such a hard time at the moment, and regarding what I learned during my studies for me degree in psychology it sounds like as if you have really a depression. Do you visit already a psychologist? Because I think that professional support can help you.

    And I know for sure that each depression one day will find an end. I think you do already one important thing that you admit that you have at the moment such a hard time. Maybe you will take the time for you to sort out in your life what doesn´t make sense and doesn´t make you happy. But please don´t force you to anything!

    I wish you only the best my dear friend, I´m so impressed about how strong you are and I send you as much love as you need, because love helps always <3

    Kisses and hugs from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

    www.dressedwithsoul.blogspot.de

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    1. Actually, when i was admitted to the hospital, i had a visit from the psychiatrist because of the fits. I have been hesitant actually.

      But i am feeling a bit better and i did mention to you in the e-mail that i am taking lot of important and life changing decisions. Fingers cross.

      Thank you for being always kind, for all the support and the love you have given me. loads and loads of hugs xoxooxoxooxoxoxoxo

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  9. Oh girl!
    I know how you feel, because I believe every one of us has been there.
    When I'm down and once I've started crying, I can't be stopped for hours. I just cry for no reason, until I let all the tension go.
    So if this is what you need to do, then cry until you feel better.
    I'm giving you the biggest cuddly virtual HUG I possibly can at this moment and I'm sending you loads of positive energy. I know you'll feel much better very soon, because you're a wonderful girl! :-*

    Love ❥
    Lu
    www.balgarka.co.uk

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    1. I know how you feel. Crying for no reason, I've been there. Thank you for the biggest cuddly hug XXX

      I am feeling better, started some yoga and change things a bit. Unfortunately, there are some things that i cannot continue with because they can only harm me so decided to part my ways with them. Thank you for being so supportive, means a lot darl xoxo

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  10. My beautiful friend, I'm so sad to hear that you are struggling. You're such an inspiring and kind person, I wish you could have the very best. I know what it's like to be depressed. I've battled depression for a long time but for me it's very ongoing. Earlier this year I gave up. I know what it's like to want to not leave your room or do anything. I lay in bed almost all day every day crying for the first half of this year until I got a job. I still struggle. I know everyone's problems are different but I'm just trying to say that you are definitely not alone. I know you can get through this and be positive. I believe in you. It's normal to feel this way sometimes so be kind to yourself. Try and do one thing a day, no matter how small, that helps you, a little achievement each day but don't be hard on yourself. Remember that there are so many people here who care so much about you, email me any time.

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    1. Actually, i did remember you because i recalled you were going through a very tough time because of work. It is an on going thing definitely but i guess we have to find a way not to affect us the way it does. It is extremely difficult but i know that it can be done. It just takes few big changes.

      I am really touched by the love and support i have received from the blogging community. You guys make me strong and make me believe that no matter how bad and difficult it, make sure that you smile through every situation. It makes life a lot easier. xoxoxoxoxox

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  11. Dearest Naaj, as you are still in my thoughts I hope now it is a bit better for you. I wish you only love and the best.

    Your friend from Bavaria, Rena

    xoxo

    www.dressedwithsoul.blogspot.de

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    1. Thank you Rena. I am feeling much better. All thank to you guys and my loved ones. xx

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  12. Hope you are feeling better x

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  13. It was difficult for me to read this, so sorry you are going through all of this.This is only a phase, it will pass. Everybody goes through this phase at some point in their lives. Be strong and you will win this battle. First time here and following.
    Effortlesslady.blogspot.ca

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    1. Thank you darl. That is so kind of you. Feeling a lot lot lot better. Thank you for stopping by. xx

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  14. I hope things are going better for you! Sometimes life can be very hard. I lost my mom in 2012 and it seems like it was just yesterday. Sometimes I go through stages of depression, where I cry myself to sleep because I miss my mom. Will be praying for you.

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    1. Aww...so sad to hear that. I am feeling a lot better. I hope you del better too and i will keep your mum in my prayers and you as well. xx

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